Tag Archives: Joy

Pathways to Joy: Authentic Relationship

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I’ve stated from the get-go of this series that joy is an inside job. People and circumstances can make us happy… temporarily. But we cannot rely on people and circumstances to keep us happy for the long haul.

And yet, healthy, authentic relationships are definitely a source of joy!

What is a healthy, authentic relationship? One way to determine what is healthy and authentic is to think about what it is not. Here are some symptoms of unhealthy relationships:

  • Tiptoeing on eggshells: You are always worried about what you say and do around this person because they are easily offended or upset.
  • High maintenance: This relationship is characterized by one person always NEEDING something or depending on the other to make them happy.
  • Volatile and/or abusive: One person is tightly wound feeling their emotions intensely and struggling to manage the extremes.
  • Co-dependent: Unhealthy, destructive habits or addictions are excused and rationalized in this friendship.
  • Fluctuating friend: This person is your friend on some days and not on others. You may only hear from them when they can benefit from you or your skills.
  • Two faced: Can we call this person a friend really? They talk about you to others and others to you.
  • Ear-tickler: This friendship is characterized by friends that only say what the other wants to hear or thinks they need to hear, whether it’s the truth or not.
  • Discontented: This relationship includes a friend who is just not happy, not with life, not with you. They want you to change, but no matter what you do, it’s never enough.
  • Narcissistic: This person is only a friend to themselves. There really is no one else of value in their world; life is all about them, their opinions, their stories, their ideas.

I’m sure you can think of a few other less-than-desirable-friend traits. There’s a very good chance that some of these descriptions made you think of some people in your life. Me too… I’m not saying cut them off, though you may need to distance yourself to find some health and joy in your life. It’s important to understand the value of boundaries in every relationship, but especially in ones that are not fulfilling. There’s a reason that some relationships are considered toxic; like a poison, they destroy parts of your heart and wellbeing. Those relationships will feel empty and leave you hungering for deeper more fulfilling relationships.

So, what IS a healthy, authentic relationship? One that reflects these traits:

  • Encouraging and uplifting
  • Honest, even when it hurts
  • Fulfilling for both friends
  • Open to constructive criticism
  • Life-giving instead of draining
  • Puts the needs of the other above their own
  • Equal give and take on multiple levels (conversation, paying for coffee, sharing skillsets)
  • Relationship trumps being right: Agree to disagree respectfully
  • Spiritually and mentally stimulating

Those types of friends are more challenging to find, but they’re out there! Keep looking! On the journey to establish these life-giving relationships, you will take some detours and hit a few potholes, but when you find them, you will know blessing!

Participating in mutually healthy relationships and experiencing the blessing of authenticity is a pathway to joy! You get to be the real you and loved for it! Your friend gets to be real too and you love them for it! You are able to share your thoughts, ideas, opinions, and dreams in a safe place and so does your cohort! When you start to veer of the path in one way or another, your friend gently steers you right and you do the same with their best interests in mind.


These friendships are truly an incredible source of joy!

Here are some words of wisdom on friends:
“The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray.” Proverbs 12:26

“A man who has friends must himself be friendly” Proverbs 18:24a

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” Proverbs 27:6

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17

“Do not be deceived: ‘Evil company corrupts good habits.'” I Corinthians 15:33

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion…. If one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him.” Ecclesiastes 4:9,10,12a

My prayer for you today is that you already have some quality relationships in your life. Grow them! Invest in them! However, if you are lacking the healthy, authentic relationships described above, I pray that you will ask the Lord to lead you to people who will bring life to you and vice versa.

Note: Healthy relationships are often hard to establish if you are functioning out of woundedness. When we’ve experienced pain, betrayal, or warped friendships, we tend to put up walls to protect our hearts. The result is that we isolate ourselves in an effort to avoid pain. Though understandable, this is unhealthy and will make establishing healthy relationships difficult.  If you find yourself in this place, I encourage you to do two things: Seek counseling that promotes healing AND think of one trustworthy person in your life and purposely be the kind of friend you need. Both of these actions will lay a foundation for authentic, healthy friendships that will be a source of joy!

Live Loved,

Pathways to Joy: Faith & Hope

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You cannot have faith without hope. You cannot have hope without faith!

Think about it… these two are inextricably entwined. The very nature of having faith inspires hope! All is not lost, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

The very nature of hope requires that you have faith… faith that what you are presently enduring is temporal, good things are coming!

Faith is a belief, or confidence, in something or someone. Hope is an expectation of better.

Faith and hope pair up to create a pathway to joy! I’ve experienced this over and over in my life. Whether you value faith or not, I cannot share pathways to joy with you without spending time sharing how faith has impacted my journey.

A popular song in worship these days is called The Goodness of God. This song deeply moves me. It celebrates God’s goodness amidst all my ups and downs: life and death, hurts and healings, gains and losses, success and failures. I can’t help but sing with abandonment:

“All my life you have been faithful, All my life you’ve been so, so good, With every breath that I am able, I’m gonna sing of the goodness of God!”1

You might read that and think, “Joy, you have no idea what I’ve experienced. I can’t possibly sing those lines and believe it.” You’re right, I don’t know what you’ve been through. You may be still dealing with dredges of pain that I can’t imagine. Even if I’ve experienced what you have, your journey is your own.

Let me share how I’m able to declare that God has been faithful to me in spite of painful times. It’s in the lyrics: “With my life laid down, I surrender now, I give you everything.”1 You see, I choose to submit everything I’ve experienced, the difficult things I’ve endured, to the Lord and His purposes. This is where faith and hope come in!

  • I have faith that God will cause everything to work together for my good because I love Him and have an amazing destiny! (Romans 8:28)
  • I have hope that God can bring good out of what the enemy designed for evil in my circumstances! (Jeremiah 29:11, Genesis 50:20)

It’s all about perspective. When we set our difficult journey within the framework of divine goodness, we can believe that our lives are a tapestry in which the threads of all we experience are woven together to create a masterpiece of beauty called our life.

“But Joy, how can this loving God allow terrible things to happen to us?” This valid question has been asked through the centuries.  People have written books on it.2  I will not attempt to answer it here, but will share this simple truth: humans have free will to choose their actions! When God created Adam and Eve, He said, “Let them have dominion over the earth.”  He gave us the opportunity to govern ourselves (as well as animals and nature).  Why didn’t God stop Eve from talking to satan or eating the fruit that was off limits? If He had, would she have had free will?  Nope… He would have overridden His own law by stopping her free will. 

So, why do terrible things happen in the world? Because you and I, as well as all the people who affect us, have free will.

This is why faith is important! When we have faith that He is a good God that loves us, we invite Him into our lives and circumstances and give Him permission to intervene on our behalf! It doesn’t mean we have life without pain or sickness, but it does mean that He will cause goodness to be the theme of our lives!  That is faith that breeds unstoppable hope, resulting in incredible joy!

Let me go a bit deeper… I don’t just have faith in God… I TRUST God! I trust that He has good plans for me. I trust that He created me amazing. I trust that He loves my family more than I can imagine. I trust that He will never leave me or abandon me. I trust that His Word is true! I trust Him as a Father and Friend. There are times that my journey has been unbearable, yet I’ve come through on the other side! He has proven Himself to me over and over! What joy I have found in my faith! Hope rises up in me when I meditate on His goodness!

If you haven’t considered yourself a person of faith, this may have been a difficult read for you. I hope that you will explore the Word of God and ask Him to show up in your circumstances! I pray that you will encounter His goodness and come to know that He has been there all along, crying with you in the painful times, sharing your laughter, and celebrating your successes.

I would love to pray with you if you want to start your faith journey or need encouragement in it. Drop me a comment with your email and I will connect with you!

Live loved,

1Lyrics from Goodness of God, Bethel Music, Written by Jenn Johnson / Ed Cash / Jason Ingram / Ben Fielding / Brian Johnson

2Where is God When it Hurts? Philip Yancey, When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold S. Kushner are two books you can explore.

Pathways to Joy: Mindful Rest

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The simplicity of this discipline makes it a no-brainer. We value the concept of rest; yet, many of us fail to purposefully incorporate it in our lifestyle. 

Curiously enough, the rest I’m referring to is a verb. It is the act of deliberately ceasing from activity in order to refresh oneself! Being aware of your need to rest is the first step in this pathway to joy. Honestly, I’m a bit like the Energizer Bunny™. Maybe you’re like me, having a tendency to stay on the move, physically and mentally, all day long until the clock demands that I step into my bedtime routine (which is another round of activities before my head hits the pillow).

But mindful rest is different than sleep. It is giving your mind and body an opportunity to actually abstain from activity. Here is where step two comes in… It is CHOOSING to throw up the stop sign to racing thoughts, time demands, and manic media. This is a form of self-care that no one else can enforce but you. A day off will help, daddy duty will make it easier, unplugging certainly paves the way, but only you can embrace mindful rest.

Why is mindful rest a pathway to joy? There is something utterly refreshing when we disconnect ourselves from the need to perform, solve, or accomplish and instead, allow ourselves to just be. Instead of racing, our minds wander aimlessly through paths of peacefulness embracing the simple beauty of being alive.

I can hear the excuses now…

  • You don’t understand!
  • I have too much on my plate.
  • What about the kids?
  • Yeah, right… like that’s going to happen.
  • You clearly don’t have the responsibilities I do.

You’re right, I don’t know what you’re up against. I only know that in my world, I was going 7 days a week trying to be the wife my husband could brag about, the mom that brought home the bacon and fried it up in a pan, the co-worker who filled in gaps, the teacher that students would never forget, the blogger with captivating posts, and the volunteer that never quit serving.

BUT, I realized that not creating moments of mindful rest meant that all of those roles were suffering. To be effective, I needed to create mini-mind breaks daily.

What does a mini-mind break look like? That depends on you. It might mean closing your office door, putting your feet up on your desk and drinking a fresh soda!  It might mean locking the bathroom door and sitting in a dry tub with a pillow behind your head while the family cleans up from dinner. It could be a quiet walk in the park, window shopping at the mall, reading a chapter from a favorite book, or listening to your favorite band and dancing like no one is watching! Regardless, mindful moments are times when you deliberately set aside the demands to perform, evaluate, solve, or accomplish. Step three in this pathway to joy is exploring what simple activity can enable you to mentally unplug from life’s demands.

No matter what your mindful rest looks like, I can imagine what it will feel like!  It’s as if you’re reclining in a hammock strung snugly between two trees.  You gently swing back and forth as a breeze drifts over your relaxed body. A sense of peace allows your brain to wander aimlessly. Deep breaths refresh your body as a smile simmers in your chest.

My experience has been that these moments cause thankful thoughts to surface… often the things I’m thankful for are the very things that I’ve been stressing about!  It’s like the reset button has been pressed and my focus shifts from frustration to thankfulness, thus allowing joy to bubble up!

Your mindful rest probably won’t last for long, but it’s enough… enough to find your balance, enough to ease muscle stress, enough to recharge your mind, enough to enable you to go back into the battle of conquering your own slice of the world!

Mindful rest is not selfish! In fact, it is selfless in that you are empowering yourself to do what you need to do more effectively.  As you develop the skill of mini-mind breaks, share it with others in your world. Be open to sharing responsibilities so that mindful rest can be part of your team and family routines. Teach your children to actively rest as an avenue of self-care. You and your family will become healthier in the process.

One more thought: Setting aside a 24 hour period each week is also beneficial.  This is a different aspect of rest, it is rest as a noun. This rest involves a set period of time to engage in recreation and relaxation instead of responsibilities. Much like mindful rest, though only 24 hours, it is enough to reset your equilibrium, refresh your appreciation for life, and recharge yourself by engaging in something you enjoy!

Mindful rest is a wonderful pathway to joy, but it isn’t really my idea. It’s one that God designed from the very beginning of creation! He chose to rest after 6 days of creating awesomeness!1 He declared one day a week as a day of rest.2 Jesus Himself rested and called His disciples to do the same.3 Don’t ask me why it took me so long to figure it out, I’m just glad I did!

I pray that you are able to find some mindful rest today! May you experience refreshing moments that allow thankfulness, and ultimately joy, to refresh you physically, spiritually, and emotionally!

Live loved!

1Genesis 2:2-3, Hebrews 4:4

2Exodus 20:8, The word holy here means “set apart”

3Mark 1:35, Luke 5:16, Luke 8:23, Mark 6:31

Pathways to Joy: Worth by Birth

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By human standards…
historically, in Europe, your worth in society was connected to your birth. In India, the caste system you were born into determined your destiny. In China, your value was determined by your gender. These standards seem harsh and unreasonable, but society today isn’t much different. Society determines someone’s worth by their degree of “success,” the looks they have, the car they drive, or the money that lines their pocket.

But!

By God’s standards... your worth is based on this eternal truth: God created you amazing! Your birth, your very conception, establishes your worth! God told Jeremiah: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you!” In Psalm 139, David celebrates how God shaped him amazingly in his mother’s womb. You, my friend, can say the same! But there’s more!

God delights in you! Genesis 1 describes the creation of the earth and how God declared each component to be. Feel the build-up of excitement as all Heaven waits in anticipation for His crowning creation! In verses 26-27, with a sparkle in His eye, He turns to Jesus and the Holy Spirit and says, “Let us make man in Our image!” He made man and woman in His likeness… with His character, His creativity, His beauty… and then said that this creation was very good! That’s you! That’s me! He delights in us, His creations!

Maybe the circumstances surrounding your birth were less than ideal. Maybe your family dynamics provided minimal love and acceptance. Maybe you see yourself as a failure. Maybe you feel that the way you’ve been treated or the way you’ve treated others defines your worth. Let me ask you this: If you found a crumpled up, dirty, stained, creased, and smelly $50 bill on the ground, would you still pick it up? Yes! Why? Because the worth of the bill is not defined by its condition. Your worth is also not defined by your condition but by your identity as one of God’s amazing creations!

Understanding this, my friend, is a sure pathway to joy! Knowing that the God of all creation delights in YOU, not because of what you’ve done (or not done), not because of what you believe (or don’t believe), not because of how successful, rich, or talented you are (or aren’t), but just because He created you! This understanding will breed a confidence that His delight comes wrapped up in unconditional love for you and that He cares what happens in your life.

Let me share another precious verse with you as you journey down this pathway to joy. Hebrews 12:2 tells us Jesus CHOSE to endure the atrocities of the cross. Why? For “the joy set before Him.” That joy was the knowledge that His sacrifice was laying the foundations for relationship between all of mankind and God! Adam’s sin tainted the bloodline of man preventing us from spending eternity with a Holy God. But Jesus’ sacrifice was the pure offering that atones for the sin of all man! His perfection covers our imperfection and paves the way for us to have eternal relationship with God. The joy Jesus saw in His mind’s eye was you and me! He was willing to lay His life down to have relationship with us! If nothing else has struck a cord with you, let this be it! He loves you that deeply!

Want to know more about what God thinks of you? Grab a Bible or use Biblegateway.com and check out these verses: Deuteronomy 7:6, Zechariah 2:8, Isaiah 43:4, and Galatians 4:6-7.

My prayer for you is that you will know down deep in your soul how much God delights in you as His creation! And as you grasp that truth, you will begin to understand how deeply He loves you just because you are! May this truth bring joy to you today and every day!

Live Loved! Because you truly are!

Pathways to Joy: Identifying Joy

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joy: /joi/ noun meaning a sense of well-being or contentment, a source of delight

Have you ever wondered about the difference between joy and happiness? If so, you are not alone! A perusal of dictionary definitions shows that wordsmiths are confused as well. As a lover of name meanings, you can imagine that I have taken some time to explore my life-long label of joy!

Happiness is not the equivalent of joy. In fact, you can be very happy but lack joy and you can have joy and not feel happy! Trust me… I’ll explain, it’s more than just semantics!

Happiness is dependent on your circumstances, what is happening around you and to you. When you receive a gift you wanted, or your child earns a high grade, or your boss gives you a promotion… you feel happy! That happiness will last as long as your circumstances allow it. Happiness can be stolen by a turn of events: that gift you wanted is broken, your child drops out of school, the new promotion is in another state. Often, we fall into the trap of seeking out people, objects, and experiences that will make us happy… and they often do! But happiness is temporary, leaving us hungry for the next thing to make us feel good again.

The search for joy disguised as happiness has led to failed marriages, strangling debt, overindulgence, and addiction. When we realize that what we thought would bring us joy only brings temporary happiness, we abandon the current process emotionally (mentally checking out of the relationship), physically (leaving the situation), or spiritually (giving up on a faith process).

Conversely, joy is independent of your circumstances. It is a sense of well-being and peace that comes from within. Joy is an underlying sense that no matter what, we will be okay, more than that, we will thrive! Simply put, joy is an inside job! Don’t get me wrong, life throws some serious curve balls! There will be times that you don’t FEEL the joy. There will be times you don’t even want to search for it! BUT! Authentic joy, though rocked by our circumstances, will not be uprooted! Understanding how to find, embrace, experience and sustain joy is intrinsically tied to physical, emotional, and spiritual health. In other words, establishing pathways to joy is so worth it!

I invite your to join me as I explore pathways to joy! Together, we will explore Scripture, discuss practical habits, and identify joy-stealers. I’m a firm believer that ignorance and knowledge are hereditary! What you choose to learn and embrace, you will pass along to your children and your children’s children. Let’s be purposeful about developing a depth of joy that we can share with the precious ones in our lives!

Live Loved,

Favorite Friday-Joy!

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Two of the greatest joys in my life are my two children! (I really like their Dad too!) As I engage with them on the adult level, I enjoy them even more!  The love of music is one of the things that Miranda and I share.  This week, we introduced each other to new songs we heard on the radio!

 

Miranda’s pick to share was for King and Country’s Joy.  I love the uniqueness of this song even while it incorporates a childhood favorite!  I choose JOY!

“Oh, hear my prayer tonight, I’m singing to the sky
Give me strength to raise my voice, let me testify
Oh, hear my prayer tonight, ’cause this is do or die
The time has come to make a choice
And I choose joy
Let it move you, let it move you, let it move you
Yeah, I choose joy
Let it move you, let it move, let it move you1″

My pick to share with Miranda this week was Skillet’s Brave!

No height, no depth, no fear can shake me

Held firm, Your hands will never fail me

I won’t lose strength, for Your strength is mine

You will be my light through the darkest night2

Great music!  Enjoy them this weekend! 

Live Loved,

1Lyrics from Joy by for King and Country

2Lyrics from Brave by Skillet