Tag Archives: loss

Recalculating Route…

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Modern technology has left me asking more times than not… how did we ever manage before this came along?  A trip to an unknown destination is made much easier by the use of GPS system!  Of course, even the best-planned course can run into errors, snafus, and detours.  Then come those words that bring calm into the confusion, “Recalculating route.”

Life is full of unknown destinations!  When we think we know the route, suddenly, we are presented with a change in course!  Maybe your wrong turn came as a result of a poor choice you made.  Maybe the detour was the fault of someone else’s decision.  Or that abrupt shift was simply the reality of life happening to you.

We’ve all been there.

As we sit at the corner of Upset Street and Wrong Way Boulevard, we throw our hands up in despair!  “What now?!?” we exclaim in agitation and even fear.  This is not how we’d planned it!!  This wasn’t supposed to happen!  God, why did you let this happen?

 

And with that statement, we hit the very heart of our dilemma.  If God is good… if God is watching over us… why did this happen? 

I’m sorry to say that I have no easy answer to this.  In fact, I think most times there is no easy answer.  We live in a fallen world shaped by the sin, sickness, and the pain of free choice.  God allows that pain to touch our lives during different seasons.  We don’t have to understand God’s ways or the whys in order to choose to trust Him.  It’s a dilemma as old as mankind: Fear vs. Faith.  Will we whine, complain, worry, demand, manipulate, and rage… or will we rest in the faith that God is in control?  Will we tap into the truth that God authentically, deeply, unconditionally loves us?  Will we take comfort in knowing He journeys through the valley with us?

When our Heavenly Father knew you and I in the womb of our mother, when He wove us together in intricate beauty, He knew the route He had laid out for our lives.  He also knew each detour, wrong turn, and pitfall that we would face.  He does not exclaim in shock when you turn left instead of right!  He does not gasp in fear when I ignore a bridge and choose a side road instead.  He does not throw His hands up in terror when someone sideswipes us.  He reaches down in love, wraps us in His arms, and waits… He waits for us to turn to Him with the questions in our eyes.  He waits for us to find our equilibrium.  He waits for us to ask Him, “What now, Daddy?”  Then He assures our hearts with the simple words, “Recalculating Route!”

Nothing takes our Dad by surprise!  He knows what we will encounter and when. God understands the pain, abandonment, loss, and longing.  And He patiently provides us with a re-route when we are ready to trust His plans for us.  I’m convinced that He is trustworthy!  When loss impacts our dreams, He is not lost!  When confusion muddles once clear plans, He is not confused! When failure marks the precious relationships in our lives, He will not fail us!  When we submit our lives… the good, the bad, and the ugly parts to Him… He will cause all of it to come together for our good.  Why?  Because we love Him and He loves us!  (Romans 8:28)  It’s that difficult and that simple.

Dive Deeper: Jeremiah 17:7-8, Genesis 45:3-8

Declaration:  Heavenly Father, You are so faithful, even when I am faithless!  Thank you for being trustworthy!  Forgive me for the times I’ve gone astray and made choices that took me off the route You had planned for me.  Help me to forgive others who have failed me.  I ask You to take all of the failures, hurts, and disappointments… mold them into the plan for good that You have for me!  Even when adversity comes, I pray that I would hear and obey Your voice behind me saying, “This is the way.” (Isaiah 30:19-21)  Thank you, Daddy!  I love You!!

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Live Loved,

Excerpted from “Reflections from the Valley” by Joy Morey

Riding the Waves of Grief

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Grief is an unpredictable animal at best…     a ferocious storm at worst.

the_loss_by_whiluna-d9h0l0s

When we think we’ve tamed it, it figures out a way to blindside us in a moment that’s completely inconvenient!

Most people, whether they know it or not, are in some stage of grief resulting from a life experience. Though the death of a loved one is the most obvious cause of grief, there are a myriad of losses that can bring about the need to walk through the grieving process. Consider these:

  • the loss of a dream
  • the loss of a childhood
  • the loss of a marriage
  • the loss of a valued relationship
  • the loss of a business
  • the loss of innocence
  • the loss of a sense of security
  • the loss of hope
  • the loss of financial stability
  • the loss of precious time
  • the loss of memories or memorabilia
  • the loss of health
  • the loss of a home
  • the loss of respect

I’m sure you can think of more as you consider your own experiences. Experts on grief suggest that there are five stages in the grieving process:

stages-of-grief

Each person is different and the process can repeat through multiple cycles with some stages lasting much longer than others.1

There’s no “cure” for grief. You see, it’s not an illness or a handicap or an “issue,” it’s a natural process.

So how do we muddle through? I’m sure there are many wise and helpful suggestions; but here, I simply offer my own takeaways from walking the pathway of grief:

*Lean into the pain~We shy away from “letting our grief go” because we are afraid it will consume us! But it won’t. Your tears will dry and you’ll pick yourself up to move on with your day. When you feel the urge to cry again, find a safe place and get on with it. Your heart needs to grieve, your mind needs release, and your body needs the stress outlet. Just don’t stay there forever.

*Give yourself brain breaks~Read an entertaining book, watch a movie, take a walk, play solitaire, work out at the gym, have coffee with a friend… allow your mind to be distracted from the pain for awhile.

*Do not attempt to numb the pain~You’ll find yourself on a fast track to addiction. Instead, see above! (However, a little dark chocolate does a body good!)

*Grab the moments of joy~During this season, there may not be many of them… so laugh when the urge hits, giggle at a funny ad, catch a comedy, share a silly moment with someone you hold dear. Experiencing joy does not nullify your loss; it helps you cope with it.

*Surround yourself with trustworthy teammates~You’ll know who these people are and are not before long. Maybe you’ve heard of Aaron & Hur? While Joshua led the Israelites into battle, Moses stood at the top of a hill with his staff raised. As long as he kept his arms up, the Israelites were successful, but when his arms lowered, they began to lose. Aaron & Hur, found a rock for Moses to sit on, then they stood, one on each side, and held his arms up until the Israelites were victorious.2

Notice, they didn’t tell Moses what he should do, how to hold his staff, or what he should say! They went into teammate mode, stood strong beside him, and supported him in the heat of battle till victory broke through! Send the naysayers out of the room! Get rid of those who bring more negative than positive or who are unwilling to shoulder some of the weight of a heavy heart.  These people are toxic to your process.  Instead, look for those who will encourage you (without coddling), who will pray for you, and who are willing to bear some of the weight until you can stand up on your own!

*Dig deep and find the treasure of thankfulnessThankfulness~

Even in the darkest of moments, there are things to find that inspire thankfulness. Speak those treasures out loud so your ears can hear them and your mind will remember. Thankfulness turns our eyes outward instead of inward. A thankful heart brings emotional and physical health with it!

 

Grief can be much like the waves of the ocean… they come and go and what a ride we experience. But… you.will.survive! Yes, you will come through it! One day you’ll wake up and realize that the sun is a bit brighter, your heart is a bit lighter, and you see the world with more hope you’ve felt in a long time. It’s not that you’ve forgotten, but that you’ve embraced your new normal.

When that happens, be ready to share your journey with others. That’s how we survive, learn, and grow… by sharing our journey and living life together!

Live Loved,

1 Grief.com

2 The Bible: Exodus 17

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Are you experiencing grief? How can I pray for you today? Please write it in the comment section and I will agree with you!