“Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.” Gilbert Chesterton’s observation is more true than starry-eyed newlyweds would want to consider. Ask any couple who has journeyed through some years together and they will admit that the dance of married life is not without a few battle scars.
Thirty one years… that’s how long our dance has been going! What a joy it is to celebrate another milestone of marriage! As I reflect on our journey, it’s not unlike most others… ups and downs, sickness and health, maybe a bit more poor than rich, some better, some worse.
However, it’s our own one-of-a-kind love story as well.
This dance of marriage has had moments of closeness and distance. At times life has moved fast with the driving beat, at other times, slow with the cadence of grief. We’ve had times of holding each other’s hands tightly and moments of drifting apart.
At our last ladies’ retreat, I posed this challenge: State 3 words that make your marriage strong and lasting. The answers were almost as varied as the women! Communication, patience, forgiveness, grace, whoopie, laughter, compassion, wine! Many of these are answers I’ve given when asked that same question.
Today while thinking about our (thankfully) thriving marriage, I felt fresh words whisper across my heart. 
Deep, lasting, authentic, rich marriages are established by passion and purpose.
Of course, physical passion is a valuable and desirable part of marriage and I hope you picked your spouse on purpose. 🙂 But I’m thinking of passion and purpose in a different light.
Passion is a strong or compelling desire for someone or something while purpose is a steely-eyed resolve to follow through on commitment. Marriages are the joining of two individuals who have their own ideas, agendas, and protocols. We all come into marriage with a boatload of “stuff” and along with our baggage, we bring expectations of married life that are typically unreasonable and unattainable for two fallible people.
So how do we manage to negotiate the minefields of marriage and come through on the other side somewhat intact?
Passion… that strong and compelling desire… is needed to establish the heart culture of God in our home. This heart culture is one where failure encounters forgiveness, weaknesses encounter grace, and love never fails.
The passionate pursuit of God’s love will establish a culture of Godly love in our marriage! Ideally, both a husband and wife passionately pursing this life of love, will experience Kingdom culture in their home. That’s not to say that one spouse cannot accomplish it alone! God is faithful and will follow through on His part as we pursue His heart of love for our spouse (I Corinthians 13:4-8a).
Purpose… that steely-eyed commitment… is needed to stand strong when the storms of life batter our marriage. God established you and your spouse as a single unit to work as one (Genesis 2:24). No, it’s not simple, or easy, or convenient. Sometimes it’s painful, and confusing, and scary.
But set your eyes, not on your spouse, but on the Lover of your soul! Link your arm in His and purpose to stand strong for your marriage. Pursue God’s heart and seek His wisdom for you and your spouse. Seeing God weave your marriage into a tapestry of love, healing, and restoration is worth the struggle!
There’s a plethora of marriage advice available out there if you feel yourself faltering in your journey together1. That advice can be helpful; but one of the greatest blessings for Andy and I was when we sought the help and support of others who’d been through some battles themselves. There is no perfect duet… get close enough to any thriving married couple and they may share some of their battle scars along with their victory stories. Learn from others, grow in your relationship skills, be willing to find authentic people who will invest in you as you invest in your marriage. Purpose and passion, passion and purpose. “Go after a life of love as if your life depended on it—because it does.” I Corinthians 14:1 (MSG)
Live Loved,
P.S. My heart is to encourage others! If this blog encouraged you, please share on social media. 🙂 If you would like me to pray for your marriage or that of another, please message me! I would be honored to pray with you!
1Rejoice Marriage Ministries is a great resource: https://www.rejoiceministries.org/