Talk Less, Smile More

Have you ever felt “spanked” by the words you’ve read? That’s the way I felt today as I was reading an advance copy of Deanna Doss Shrodes’ upcoming book, “Uncommon Answers: Partnering with the Holy Spirit to Receive Extraordinarily More.”

Shrodes includes a chapter called “Uncommon Listening” about the power and blessing of listening, especially to our Heavenly Father! As I read about our often-lopsided communication with the Lord, I began to consider the amount of time I talk compared to the amount of time I listen… it’s often lopsided and not just in prayer. In all fairness, I am a teacher, but that doesn’t allow me to abdicate from the very important role of listening more than I talk.

As I spent the afternoon pondering and listening to the Lord’s input, my mind filled with a rapid-fire list of verses to consider:

Proverbs 10:19 “In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise.” NIV

James 1:19b “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…” NKJV

Matthew 12:35-37 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. 36 But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. 37 For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.” NIV

Note the term “empty” in Matthew 12:36. Oxford defines empty as containing nothing, lacking meaning, without sincerity. It offers the synonyms: worthless, useless, and vain. It makes me think of the modern term “empty calories” referring to foods that do not strengthen you or provide nourishment but instead, they take up room in your stomach that’s needed for life-sustaining foods.  

In the same way, our words can be devoid of nourishment. Take a minute and think about the myriad of comments we may make throughout a day that are responses to people or situations (usually annoying ones) that do not bring about encouragement, growth, or change. These may be complaints, sarcastic remarks, or criticisms that may or may not be heard by the person it is directed towards. Maybe our comments are not snide remarks or gossip, maybe they are simply unnecessary comments referring to someone’s quirkiness, something distasteful, or an opinion on someone’s lifestyle. If the comment is heard, more times than not, it won’t inspire change but rather hurt or anger. Regardless, if the words aren’t beneficial, then they are empty.

Other examples of empty words may be found in silly arguments, unsolicited opinions, judgmental remarks, and pointless comments. I find myself making conversation when it’s not necessarily needed or welcome. I’ve offered opinions that were not unkind but also not requested. Times like this are when I need to remember Solomon’s advice that “overtalk shows you up as a fool” and I sure don’t want to be placed in that category (Ecclesiastes 5:3)! Not only that, but I’ve found that sometimes making an innocent comment opens the door for someone to respond in a snide or unkind way. Guarding my words will reduce those opportunities.

As I meditate on these truths, I hear my Father’s loving correction. He designed me to speak nourishing, beneficial words that build up! I’m made with His character and in His image, so my words should be a reflection of His heart! My speech, all believers’ speech, should be filled with grace and seasoned with salt; salt preserves and brings flavor! (Colossians 4:6). Ephesians 4:29 is very clear, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (emphasis mine). This is not a suggestion, but a command!

I’ve learned that there is blessing in obedience. When my Daddy speaks to me, I want to listen and obey. Moving forward, this means purposing to listen more than I talk and choosing to avoid empty comments, conversation, and opinions. It also means being more purposeful to build others up, speak life consistently, and declare good things for those in my realm of influence. I’m up for the challenge! How about you?

Live loved!

Put the Stone Down!

I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but your measuring stick is flawed.

Please don’t be offended… because mine is also flawed!  Yet, sometimes we wield our measuring stick like a sword aimed at what we consider errors in the lives or opinions of others.

Even though we know we are far from perfect, we forget that our measuring stick is not that of Mary Poppins.  You know the one, the practically-perfect-in-every-way measuring stick. We hold it up to “that neighbor,” “that relative,” “that church,” “that blogger,” “that co-worker,” and find them lacking in some area.  Why does it seem so easy to zero in on the negative?

Unfortunately, highlighting the faults of others seems to be a social epidemic.  If you spend any time on social media, or the internet for that matter, you’ve seen what I’m talking about.  Self-appointed “inspectors” pass over the good in favor of criticizing, cutting down, nitpicking, and judging.  Sadly, I think Christians (and I use this term loosely here) are some of the biggest culprits.

You may have stumbled across one of these situations:

  • Complete websites dedicated to tearing down pastors, prophets, and teachers.
  • Bloggers who have taken the time to write an entire blog about why a worship song isn’t worth singing.
  • Professors who teach that church services shouldn’t have low lights, loud music, dancing, children’s church, etc.
  • People who have stormed out of churches because they didn’t like something the pastor said, did, stood for, or even implied.
  • Those who are more concerned that you use their version of the Bible than living by what’s inside of it.
  • Pastors who use their authority to declare entertainers, music styles, and even people groups as demonic.

How it must grieve God’s heart to see His children throwing stones at others.

Some of you might be thinking, but we are supposed to judge the fruit, right?  We are supposed to be “wise as serpents,” aren’t we?  Let me refer you to the first sentence of this blog and then remind you of the second half of Matthew 10:16, “and be harmless as doves.” Note that the word “judge” means to form an opinion or conclusion.  There’s an old adage that says, “Opinions are like armpits, everyone has them and they often stink!” Much of what criticizers call out in others is simply a reflection of their own opinion or their disagreement of someone’s understanding or interpretation.

Even if someone is doing or saying something that seems askew, what purpose does it serve to publicly defame them?  Does it glorify God? Build them up?  Encourage other believers?  Bring life to the situation?  I’m confident that the answer to those questions is an emphatic “NO!” Rarely ever will public criticism bring about a positive outcome or fruitful discussions.

So, what IS an effective action when you suspect that a speaker, ministry, or songwriter seems off?  Pray and bless! Pray for God to give them (and you) a revelation of truth and clarity!  Pray that they will be drawn deeper in relationship with the Father! Bless them in the areas they are right on track.1

This may come as a shock, but there is NO perfect theology, NO perfect church, NO perfect worship style, NO perfect sermon length, NO perfect author… Do you get my point?

Churches, pastors, ministries, authors are all different and unique.  Why?  Because that’s how God created each one of us!  We were wonderfully formed in His image as one-of-a-kind children who have individual relationships with our Heavenly Father.  As creative as our God is, why do we think that He would want us to have cookie-cutter churches or ministries?

While our tenants of faith stand strong (based on the Word of God), our walks as believers, our preferred ways of worship, our revelations, our engagement with the Holy Spirit will reflect our uniqueness.  He is not a cookie-cutter God!

So if we are all so different, what does God expect of His wonderfully unique children?  God’s measuring stick is reflected in His Word: Seek Justice, love mercy, walk humbly (Micah 6:8), Love God, love others (Matthew 22:37-39), Bless, do not curse (Romans 12:14), Mercy triumphs over judgement (James 2:12-13).

Peter sets forth a challenge:  “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.” (I Peter 4:8 NLT)

Here are some practical ways to rise to the challenge!

  • Purpose in your heart to look for the good in others. See criticism as a weapon of the enemy and demolish it!
  • Celebrate the efforts and hard work of ministries, pastors, writers, believers, prophets, etc. who are living and declaring the Kingdom of God.
  • Find and embrace a place of worship that shares your heart, vision, and style. Stick with that church family through thick and thin until God clearly directs you otherwise!
  • Pray for other believers and ministries asking the Lord to bless them in their “on-target” areas and bring revelation to their “off-target” areas.  Pray the same clarity for yourself!
  • Seek to be like Jesus!  Study His life and grab His heart!

Let’s be Jesus-followers together!

Live Loved!

1Note that James 5:19 discusses turning back one who wanders from the truth.  Realize that publicly denouncing someone on social media or anywhere else will not turn someone to the truth.  A personal relationship that is based on love and respect will enable this to occur and the one in error will be protected because love covers a multitude of sins!

Here more here: Designed to Impress

Life Giving Treasures

 

 

It’s a small wooden trunk, a simple box really, but every time I glance at that trunk, it brings a smile to my face!  It’s not the box itself, but the knowledge of what resides in it.  Words… so simple, yet quite profound.  My wooden trunk is filled with the words of others… words of thanks, words of love, words of encouragement.  That trunk is a “thesaurus,” literally, a treasure of words that speak to my heart.

 

 

You may be familiar with the Five Love Languages™ introduced by Gary Chapman.  These “languages” are the primary ways that people tend to give and receive love.  Words of affirmation are appreciated by most everyone, even if it’s not each person’s top love language.  For me, it ranks near the tippy-top!  So, when I receive a card that includes a note of blessing or affirmation, it touches a place deep within me and replenishes my “love tank.”

Words of affirmation can be simple “good jobs!” or “You’re great!” But that’s truly just the start!  Life-filled words stir sparks of hope in disheartening situations.  They bring inspiration in the midst of discouragement.  Words of affirmation provide comfort in hurt, light in darkness, and peace in the fearful places.

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24

Life-giving words are tools that build others up.  They may be declarations of a positive future, celebrations of character qualities, or sharing of proud moments.  We are made in the image of our Creative Father God!  He enables us to find creative ways to use our vocabulary of “life” words to build up those in our realm of influence.  One of my “treasure cards” includes 10 truths that a precious sister wrote about me.  What a creative way to build up a friend!

The beauty of written words is that you can revisit them often.  However, spoken words are precious drops of blessing as well.  Encouragement and life spoken to or about someone in the hearing of others strengthens hearts and heals souls.  Ephesians 4:29 reminds us to use our talk to build others up according to their need at that moment.

Life goes fast, often dragging us behind…  It’s time to press pause and ask ourselves, “How can I build others up today?” “What word of encouragement can I speak to a service worker?”  “What positive declaration can I make over a difficult situation?”  “In what way can I celebrate my spouse, child, or co-worker?”  The opportunities are unlimited!  All that’s required are life-building words and a heart to bless!  II Corinthians 4:7 declares that the Treasure that’s inside of us longs to pour light and life on those in our world; and YOU and I get to be a part His plan!

Dive Deeper: Proverbs 18:21, II Corinthians 4:6-7    

Live Loved,

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