Relationships… they can be a tremendous blessing or a massive challenge. Sometimes, they are both!
This Sunday, my pastor taught on “How to Get Along with People1.” He focused on three fundamental components needed to get along with others within our homes, workplaces, and even long distance: Respect, Humility, and Communication.
This three components are not mutually exclusive. You cannot have respect without authentic humility; you cannot have open communication without respect; and humility is required for true communication! As I processed the teaching and Scriptures2 we focused on, I was challenged to examine various relationships and to be purposeful about making some adjustments! Here are a few of the thoughts that rose in my spirit…
Relationship is the heartbeat of the Father, not just our relationship with Him, but also our relationships with others.
I find that I’m not that different than most Americans, when we communicate with others, we are comfortable declaring our thoughts and opinions to all who will listen. But the minute that others express differing opinions, we lift invisible fingers to plug our ears. How we handle this common dilemma varies depending on our level of respect and humility.
As believers, we are more prone to err in the area of humility. Pastor Eric outlined three components of humility: quietness, speaking the truth in love, and strength demonstrated through patience. I’d like to add two more components of humility: being willing to admit when we are wrong and maintaining a teachable heart. Because we have the mind of Christ, our tendency is to believe that our thinking is correct… correct in spiritual matters, personal matters, financial matters, and political matters. But humility will help us remember that perfect revelation and understanding is not available this side of Heaven. We are learning, growing, applying, and maturing each and every day, if we maintain a teachable heart!
If you are struggling in personal or professional relationships, please take some time to listen to Pastor Eric Lehmann’s teaching. I know it will encourage (and challenge) you!
2Scripture references: Ephesians 5:21, Romans 13:1, Matthew 7:1-2, Romans 14:13, Luke 6:27,31, Mark 12:31, I Thessalonians 4:11-12, Ephesians 4:15, I Corinthians 13:4, James 1:19-20, Proverbs 15:1, 16:15, Romans 12:10, Philippians 4:13, I Corinthians 2:16
This Father’s Day, our worship team, like many others, led us
in the song, “Good, Good Father.”1
How beautiful it must have sounded in the realms of Heaven, hearing
strains of this song echoing from all over the world. What a powerful truth that the enemy has
tried to steal from the hearts of society as a whole.
Think about it, over the past 40 years, the media has tried to erase the remnants of fathers worth respecting. It has presented us with examples of fathers that are foolish, clueless, outdated, and dull. It has attacked strong fathers as being macho, selfish, or chauvinistic. Stereotypes have been applied and enforced through television shows, lyrics, and comics strips.
As the respect for fatherhood declined, so did the fathers. Men began abdicating their role in droves eventually creating a generation that was dubbed, “The Fatherless Generation.”2
That’s not to say that there haven’t been some poor examples of fatherhood. Many can attest to experiencing painful childhoods because of absent, uninvolved, or abusive fathers. And when your father memories are fraught with pain, the idea of God being a good, good Father is foreign and unrealistic.
But the role of fatherhood was created to be an expression of
love and provision throughout childhood as well as one of guidance and wisdom
for life. It was originated by our
Heavenly Father when He breathed His very breath into Adam and when He created
Adam and then Eve, in His own image.3 He spent time with them each day, walking and
talking. That is the heart of the
Father! It’s a commitment of love that
allowed Jesus to walk through a tortuous death and resurrection in order to
reestablish a pathway of relationship with us!
We need fathers! We need YOU, Dads!
We don’t need you to
be perfect but present!We need fathers who will:
Listen to silly jokes and never-ending stories
Paint fingernails and toenails while sipping imaginary tea
Toss baseballs and practice dance moves
Schedule son events and daughter dates
Celebrate successes and rising from failures
Work elbow to elbow in chores and homework
Be teachable yet confident, kind yet firm
Demonstrate generosity, integrity, and faith
Lead, honor, and love through every season
I know, that’s a tall order, isn’t it? But the payoff is without comparison! “The father of a righteous one rejoices greatly.
Whoever fathers a wise child delights in him.” (Proverbs
23:24 TLV) How does a father end up with
a righteous and wise child? By following
the example of the Father of fathers! What
makes God a good, good Father? He is loving,
kind, compassionate, faithful, wise, merciful, generous, and oh, so,
patient!
You may be thinking, but He is perfect and I am not. That’s true, but… His perfect love can flow
through you–a less than perfect–but teachable
father! Trust that He loves you enough
to give you all that you need to be the dad your family needs!
Dads, don’t shy away from your role! Fathers are an integral part of God’s plan for healthy families a necessary foundation for healthy communities! Not only do biological and blended families need their dads, but there are emotionally hungry children who need adopted dads, and spiritual orphans who long for spiritual dads. Allow the Father’s love and character to flow through you to the next generation! Your investment will bring dividends that far outlast your life here on earth!
Live Loved,
I’m immensely proud of this amazing man! He loves deeply and well. He is teachable and generous! I am ever so thankful for this Dad and my own Dad & Dad-in-Love! <3
P.S. It’s fascinating to learn about how young bull elephants
act when the male role models are missing from their lives: https://youtu.be/5gsNjI99eFE
1Good, Good Father by Christ Tomlin, Songwriters: Anthony Brown / Pat Barrett
Knowledge is not the same as wisdom. In fact, some of the wisest people you’ll
encounter may have little to no formal schooling while some knowledgeable
people lack the understanding to know when it’s time to listen rather than talk! So, what’s the dividing line between smart
and wise? It’s certainly not gray hair!
So, at what point do we stand and say, “I’ve arrived! I now wear the crown of wisdom and no longer
need to learn!”? Is it when you’ve
earned your doctorate? When you’ve raised
successful children? When you’ve
achieved x number of milestones in your career?
When you’ve written a best-selling manual?
I would say that no such point exists!
One who is thought of as wise would be characterized as being willing to learn, considerate of the thinking of others, and humble enough to realize that they really don’t know it all! Interestingly, as I read the word of God, I see wisdom repeatedly linked to willingness to learn!
When I first started working in the public school system, I came
with 16 years of experience working with children and teens. During that first semester, I shared a
classroom with a teacher that was fresh out of college. How easily I could have placed myself in the mentor
role, relegating the fresh-faced graduate to being my mentee. But wisdom wouldn’t allow me to dismiss all
that she brought to the table! Her updated
understanding of pedagogy, combined with her knowledge of current educational resources,
were just what I needed to navigate my first year as a public school teacher. In turn, this new teacher was also open to my
ideas and suggestions learned through years of experience. We made a great team then, and I still learn
from her today!
Wisdom is so much more than knowing stuff! Being able to spout off tidbits of knowledge
or information will cause us to do more talking than listening! This “rolodex syndrome” can keep us focused
on hearing our own voice instead of valuing the art of listening and learning
from others.
“The heart of the wise will easily accept instruction. But those who do all the talking are too busy to listen and learn.” Proverbs 10:8a TPT
Worse than the “rolodex syndrome” is the “I know better delusion.” This is the idea that we know ourselves so
well, or we have so much experience, or we are plenty intelligent (or old)
enough to not need input, direction, or correction from anyone else. This lack of humility breeds disdain for the ideas
of others, even those who should have the opportunity to speak into our lives.*
Knowledge is having information.
Wisdom is knowing when and how to apply that information
effectively! Sometimes that means tapping
into others and learning from their experience and understanding. Sometimes that means delaying action based on
the Lord’s direction or the counsel of a wise friend. Sometimes that means taking our plans to the
Father and simply leaving them at His feet. Always, wisdom requires that we humble
ourselves and value input that comes from outside of us! What we do with that input is dependent on
the Lord’s direction. But being willing
to receive that input is the mark of wisdom.
It grieves my
heart when I encounter someone who is unteachable. I’m sure you’ve met a few people like this
too. They are not interested in growing
as a person and see no need to glean wisdom from others. This heart posture waves off instruction and
misses the opportunity for deep understanding.
No one offers them input that is valued as higher than their own. Honor is only their expectation, not their gift
for another.
Conversely, being teachable is a beautiful attitude of the
heart! One who is teachable glows with
expectation and appreciates time invested in them. A teachable heart and mind is equally
delightful in the old as well as the young. When I encounter teachability in
another, it makes me want to reflect that character trait even more! Proverbs 21:11 in the Passion Translation
says that the wise are teachable. I want
to jump up and down and say, “That’s me! That’s me!”
Wisdom is so valued by the Lord, that He had Solomon write repeatedly about its value. James reminds us that if we feel that we lack wisdom, to ask for it! But in asking for wisdom, you and I must humble our hearts to receive that wisdom, even if it doesn’t come from where we’d expect it. The ultimate source of wisdom is the Holy Spirit! James 3 tells us that wisdom from above is always pure, considerate, willing to yield, and teachable. It is filled with love, peace, and mercy. When you receive input, correction, or direction from others, the Holy Spirit will enable you to know if, how, and when to apply that knowledge.
Teachable heart check:
Do I think I’m always right?
Am I willing to receive ideas from others of any age, any ethnicity, any gender?
Is the goal of my communication to convince others to believe the way I do?
Am I open to conversations with those of a different religious persuasion?
Do I honor my peers or only those in authority?
Am I willing to hear the thoughts of someone whose opinion is different than mine?
Do I value political agreement more than relational connection?
Am I a respectful listener, regardless of who is speaking?
Do I believe that I know more than most of those around me?
Am I authentically engaged or am I rolling my eyes on the inside?
Amen or oh my? I’m challenged to purposefully choose to be teachable in heart and spirit!
As we enter into a new year, we have a new opportunity to choose to be teachable again!
Dear Father, I choose a heart posture that honors You and allows the Holy Spirit to have His way in me! May my teachable heart and spirit enable me to grow in every area and receive the blessings found in honoring others that You place in my life! Make me more like you, Daddy! Amen!
Live Loved,
P.S. If this blog challenged and encouraged you, please share on social media! I welcome your input as well, so please comment. 🙂
*Caveat: Not
everyone should have the authority to speak into your life. But hopefully, you’ve cultivated honorable
relationships that allow others to speak truth, challenge, and encouragement to
you!
