Category Archives: Relationships

A Teachable Heart

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Knowledge is not the same as wisdom.  In fact, some of the wisest people you’ll encounter may have little to no formal schooling while some knowledgeable people lack the understanding to know when it’s time to listen rather than talk!  So, what’s the dividing line between smart and wise?  It’s certainly not gray hair!

So, at what point do we stand and say, “I’ve arrived!  I now wear the crown of wisdom and no longer need to learn!”?  Is it when you’ve earned your doctorate?  When you’ve raised successful children?  When you’ve achieved x number of milestones in your career?  When you’ve written a best-selling manual?

I would say that no such point exists! 

One who is thought of as wise would be characterized as being willing to learn, considerate of the thinking of others, and humble enough to realize that they really don’t know it all!  Interestingly, as I read the word of God, I see wisdom repeatedly linked to willingness to learn!

When I first started working in the public school system, I came with 16 years of experience working with children and teens.  During that first semester, I shared a classroom with a teacher that was fresh out of college.  How easily I could have placed myself in the mentor role, relegating the fresh-faced graduate to being my mentee.  But wisdom wouldn’t allow me to dismiss all that she brought to the table!  Her updated understanding of pedagogy, combined with her knowledge of current educational resources, were just what I needed to navigate my first year as a public school teacher.  In turn, this new teacher was also open to my ideas and suggestions learned through years of experience.  We made a great team then, and I still learn from her today! 

Wisdom is so much more than knowing stuff!  Being able to spout off tidbits of knowledge or information will cause us to do more talking than listening!  This “rolodex syndrome” can keep us focused on hearing our own voice instead of valuing the art of listening and learning from others.

“The heart of the wise will easily accept instruction. But those who do all the talking are too busy to listen and learn.”  Proverbs 10:8a TPT

Worse than the “rolodex syndrome” is the “I know better delusion.”  This is the idea that we know ourselves so well, or we have so much experience, or we are plenty intelligent (or old) enough to not need input, direction, or correction from anyone else.  This lack of humility breeds disdain for the ideas of others, even those who should have the opportunity to speak into our lives.*

Knowledge is having information.  Wisdom is knowing when and how to apply that information effectively!  Sometimes that means tapping into others and learning from their experience and understanding.  Sometimes that means delaying action based on the Lord’s direction or the counsel of a wise friend.  Sometimes that means taking our plans to the Father and simply leaving them at His feet. Always, wisdom requires that we humble ourselves and value input that comes from outside of us!  What we do with that input is dependent on the Lord’s direction.  But being willing to receive that input is the mark of wisdom. 

It grieves my heart when I encounter someone who is unteachable.  I’m sure you’ve met a few people like this too.  They are not interested in growing as a person and see no need to glean wisdom from others.  This heart posture waves off instruction and misses the opportunity for deep understanding.  No one offers them input that is valued as higher than their own.  Honor is only their expectation, not their gift for another. 

Conversely, being teachable is a beautiful attitude of the heart!  One who is teachable glows with expectation and appreciates time invested in them.  A teachable heart and mind is equally delightful in the old as well as the young. When I encounter teachability in another, it makes me want to reflect that character trait even more!  Proverbs 21:11 in the Passion Translation says that the wise are teachable.  I want to jump up and down and say, “That’s me! That’s me!”

Wisdom is so valued by the Lord, that He had Solomon write repeatedly about its value.  James reminds us that if we feel that we lack wisdom, to ask for it!  But in asking for wisdom, you and I must humble our hearts to receive that wisdom, even if it doesn’t come from where we’d expect it.  The ultimate source of wisdom is the Holy Spirit!  James 3 tells us that wisdom from above is always pure, considerate, willing to yield, and teachable.  It is filled with love, peace, and mercy.  When you receive input, correction, or direction from others, the Holy Spirit will enable you to know if, how, and when to apply that knowledge.

Teachable heart check:

  • Do I think I’m always right?
  • Am I willing to receive ideas from others of any age, any ethnicity, any gender?
  • Is the goal of my communication to convince others to believe the way I do?
  • Am I open to conversations with those of a different religious persuasion?
  • Do I honor my peers or only those in authority?
  • Am I willing to hear the thoughts of someone whose opinion is different than mine?
  • Do I value political agreement more than relational connection?
  • Am I a respectful listener, regardless of who is speaking?
  • Do I believe that I know more than most of those around me?
  • Am I authentically engaged or am I rolling my eyes on the inside?

Amen or oh my? I’m challenged to purposefully choose to be teachable in heart and spirit!

As we enter into a new year, we have a new opportunity to choose to be teachable again! 

Dear Father, I choose a heart posture that honors You and allows the Holy Spirit to have His way in me!  May my teachable heart and spirit enable me to grow in every area and receive the blessings found in honoring others that You place in my life! Make me more like you, Daddy! Amen!

Live Loved,

P.S. If this blog challenged and encouraged you, please share on social media! I welcome your input as well, so please comment. 🙂

*Caveat: Not everyone should have the authority to speak into your life.  But hopefully, you’ve cultivated honorable relationships that allow others to speak truth, challenge, and encouragement to you!

A Fair Trade?

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I love this promise and needed to hear it today.  I crave His guidance and need His healing strength!  I know that God is faithful and He will give me everything that I need. 

But… if I focus on my needs, I will miss His heart in the process!

To fully enjoy the promise of His presence and provision, we need to embrace His heart, His passions! So, what is God’s heart passionate about? Look closer at Isaiah 58:6-12. God talks to us about what brings Him delight, and as a princess daughter, I want to please my Father!  So, what brings Him delight? When we:

  • Correct injustices
  • Enable others to find freedom
  • Help those less fortunate
  • Are present/engaged with our family
  • Lighten the burdens of others
  • Are a source of grace and peace

As we are purposeful to invest in others, we bring light to the dark places!  Our world is filled with darkness, and Jesus told us that we are the light!1  But our light doesn’t shine just because we show up… it shines because we show Jesus when we show up!

When we bless others, He will bless us!  Isaiah continues in verse 9 saying, “Then when you call, the Lord will answer. ‘Yes, I am here,’ He will quickly reply.”  Not only that, but He will come to our rescue, heal us, protect us, restore us, strengthen us, and lead us forward!  Wow, those are some serious benefits! 

Is it a fair trade? No way! It’s far more than we deserve!  Jesus summed up this trade when He said, “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.”2

That’s a trade worth investing in! Light up someone’s darkness today!

This world needs you!

Live Loved,

1Matthew 5:14

2Matthew 6:33 NLT

Read more about injustice here: Food for Thought

No Longer A Slave

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“When I found I had crossed that line, I looked at my hands to see if I was the same person. There was such a glory over everything; the sun came like gold through trees, and over the fields, and I felt like I was in Heaven”.

Harriet Tubman, Scenes in the Life of Harriet Tubman By Sarah Hopkins Bradford.

Selfless, brave, determined… these are all character qualities my students used to describe Harriet Tubman after reading about her life.  Tubman fell to her knees in prayer after crossing the Pennsylvania border exhilarated by her newfound freedom.  She then pressed on and began her new life in Philadelphia.  But the money she made working was for the primary purpose of gaining freedom for others who were still enslaved.  History tells us that Tubman was also a nurse, cook, and spy during the Civil War.  Later in life, she opened her home to those who were in need.  Through it all, she trusted the Lord to be her Source and Strength.

I believe that Harriet Tubman’s life journey reflects the Kingdom of Heaven culture.  Each person that God creates has a purpose, something they bring to this world that no one else can.  Whether or not we fulfill that purpose has much to do with the decisions we make in our personal journey.  Sometimes those decisions mean determining whether or not we will allow ourselves to stay enslaved… enslaved to self-pity, rejection, pride, pain, greed, or broken dreams.

Ultimately, the things that drive or enslave us can all be summed up by the word “fear,” fear of failure, fear of loss, fear of hurt, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection.  “I’m no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God,”1  This morning, I found myself singing this line, along with everyone else, but I felt the words deeper in my spirit than I ever had before. I had been enslaved by fear in the past.  It drove me to do things I wouldn’t typically do and it drove me to not do things that I should do.  Knowing that I don’t have to be driven by fear any longer is liberating!

Being strong or confident is not the opposite of fear; it is faith in His love that is the antithesis of fear! We all long to be known and loved.  It is only in knowing the perfect love of our Heavenly Father that the chains of fear can be rendered useless. Why does perfect love drive out fear?2  Because when we get a revelation of His perfect or unconditional love for us, we can trust His plans for us.  Perfect love is the truth that when life is difficult, loss rocks our world, or pain is suddenly staring us in the face, it is not for the purpose of tormenting us or punishing us!  Our circumstances are NOT a reflection of God’s love for us or His value of us!  We can be confident that no matter what comes our way, He is always with us, loving us, and causing everything to work out well for us… eventually!3

We might be tempted to stop there, basking in the knowledge that we are perfectly loved by this amazing God!!  Sometimes we do need to just soak in His presence (after all, He IS love!) and allow the joy of knowing His love to go deep.  But there’s more to the journey.  Isaiah 58 talks about what is pleasing to the Lord.  He doesn’t want us to keep love’s freedom to ourselves!  He wants us to help others who are enslaved find freedom too;  much like Harriet Tubman did when she took multiple trips south to lead others to freedom.  Was it convenient?  No. Was it safe? No.  Was it easy? No.  But it was her destiny and purpose to help others find {physical} freedom.

How much more important is it for you and I to help others find spiritual freedom!  Freedom from the fear that strangles out life and hope, freedom from the fear that keeps us from reaching out, freedom from the fear that chokes our trust, and freedom from the fear that breeds bitterness.  That’s a tall order, isn’t it?!  How can we help others find the freedom of knowing that they are unconditionally loved by their Creator? We become virtual conduits that allow the love of our amazing Father to flow through us to others!

By tapping into Him, our Source, and relying on His strength, we become the concrete example of God’s unconditional love to others.  As those walking in freedom, we set the vision and standard of freedom for EACH person we encounter!  We believe and declare that He loves them in the middle of their mess, just like He loves us even when we were at our worst.

Will loving those enslaved in fear be convenient? Safe? Easy?  No, no, and no, but it’s our destiny and purpose to help others find freedom in His perfect love!4  This precious freedom then enables them to walk in their destinies setting even more people free! It’s the circle of Kingdom life!

I’d like to say that I’m a pro at this thing of helping others find freedom from fear.  It would be great if I could tell you that I’ve got the perfect love thing down pat.  I don’t… I’m working on it, stumbling along, sometimes failing, and sometimes succeeding.  The good news is that there is always hope!  Each day is a new beginning and nothing is set in stone until we breathe our last breath!  Each encounter with another person is an opportunity to value one of God’s precious creations and demonstrate fear-freeing love.

Lord, Help me not to waste these opportunities!

Live Loved!

P.S.  If this encouraged, challenged, or blessed you, please share on social media! 🙂  Also, thanks to my Aunt Sandy Hall for the great shot of Mount Fuji!

1Lyrics from: ”No Longer Slaves” Bethel Music

2“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” I John 4: 18

3 “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

4Read more: I John 3:16-23, Mark 12:29-31, All Embracing Love… Really?

Mic Drop Monday: Are You Naked?

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Hmmm, I’m wondering, how many Jesus followers are walking around naked?

Here’s the test:

Does my heart harbor unforgiveness? Prejudice?  Pride? Self-righteousness? Judgement? Anger? Ungratefulness?

Do I allow myself to have foul conversation? To talk unkind about others? Be impatient? Rude? Bitter? Complaining? Vengeful?

Then I am walking naked!

Colossians 3 reminds us of what should be in our closet!  We need to put on the clothing of love:

 8 But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. 9 Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. 10 Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like Him. 11 In this new life, it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and He lives in all of us.

12 Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

OK, I experienced a few ouch moments reading that, how about you?  Let me go get dressed…

Live loved and Dressed too! 

Favorite Friday-Celebrate Your Tribe!

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Here we are, about to tie up week 5 of our school year; how fast time goes!  This year, I transitioned from 3rd grade to 5th and I don’t mind admitting that 5th grade is kicking my butt!  I feel a bit like a puppy frantically swimming just to keep her nose above the waterline.  But paddle, I will!

I refuse to get swept away! Each year of teaching gets progressively more challenging and more exhausting.  Yet, I see myself grow as an educator and as a person.  How do I make it through each challenging day?  Probably the same way you do… with help and encouragement and it’s time to celebrate the people who are there for us!They are the ones who listen to our frustrations.  They help us hash out our ideas.  They cry with us when we are discouraged.  They shout with us when we succeed. They bolster our flagging confidence when the swells of challenge seem greater than the swells of courage.

Who is your tribe?  Who is it that stops you from “jumping ship” and reminds you of all the gold that’s inside of you?  They are your tribe!  I’m so thankful for the amazing people God has placed in my life!

I live with my tribe, work with my tribe, play with my tribe, worship with my tribe!  Those people are not all the same people, though there is much overlap.

I have purposed to seek out people that encourage me and demonstrate character traits I want to grow in my life.  My tribe also includes people that challenge me and refuse to let me run and hide when life throws me a curve ball.

These are not your acquaintances or your fair-weather peeps.  Not all your friends are tribe members.  Your tribe members are those who have the authority and privilege of speaking into your life.  True tribe members must be purposefully chosen.

My tribe includes people who are:

Trustworthy-positive, committed, loyal

Real-authentically themselves and expect the same from me

Invested-willing to invest in my life and allow me to invest in theirs

Bettering-share in a reciprocal commitment to bettering one another’s lives

Encouraging-engages in our relationship by speaking life-giving words

 

As a parent, it blesses my heart to say that my adult children are part of my tribe.  My husband is a vital member and our moms are included as well.  I have incredible co-workers, family members, and friends that are tribe members too!  Today, I celebrate their amazingness!  I need them and I hope they need me!

Think about your life… do you feel positive about your tribe?  Do you know who you can call on when life knocks you down?  Build your tribe!  Be part of someone else’s tribe!  Link arms with those who are trustworthy, real, invested, bettering, and encouraging!  The sun shines so much brighter when reflected by those around you.

Check out: Psalm 1:1-3, Proverbs 4

Live Loved,

 

Let It Go!

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“Do you remember that time that you _________  (fill in the blank with any poor choice)!”

How painful it is when someone reminds us of our past mistakes!  Just when you think life has moved on and your royal screw-ups have been forgotten, someone pulls out their shovel and digs it up again.  We wish that memories could be wiped clear and clean slates were mandatory.

Back in the day, there was a Christian music artist that I didn’t care for… not because of her style or voice, but because she had allowed herself to be sponsored by a disreputable company.  Recently, I heard her name in connection with a current project and immediately that memory surfaced, along with my dislike.  The Holy Spirit whispered in my ear, “When do you allow someone to grow past their errors?”

His voice was so gentle, but I felt the strong conviction of truth.  I knew that the Lord was challenging me to go to a new level in my desire to be more like Him.

It’s human nature, really.  Whether we’ve been personally hurt by someone or their reputation leaves a bad taste in our mouths, rarely do we allow our opinions of someone to change, even years later.

  • We still think of the high school bully as an adult bully.
  • We still imagine that the man caught in moral failure continues to be unfaithful.
  • We still believe that the person who stole in the past is a thief today.
  • We still consider that wild girl from college as promiscuous.
  • We still look at the man down the street as the punk teenager who was disrespectful.
  • We still remember the hurtful words spoken even after the apology.

When will we allow others to grow past the errors of youth, ignorance, stupidity, and selfishness?

It’s time to make like Elsa and let it go! 

People change!  But even if they don’t, you and I are responsible to move beyond the status quo and offer grace and forgiveness.  Just as God gives us new mercies every morning*, we can offer others a clean slate in our minds and hearts.

Now don’t get me wrong… God gives us wisdom!  If a neighbor stole money from me last year, I’m not going to leave my purse open for their perusal.  If a family member negatively impacted a child in the past, I’m not going to give them unguarded access again**.  Caution isn’t a wrong choice, but assumptions that people can’t, don’t, or won’t change is.

Forgiveness isn’t a prize we present.  Grace isn’t a reward given to the worthy.  They are non-negotiables for those who call themselves followers of Jesus.  How you and I view others does not ultimately affect them; it does, however, reflect the condition of our hearts.

If we call ourselves Believers, followers of Jesus, the Body of Christ, then we are called to a higher standard, to live a life worthy of our calling as Kingdom Ambassadors. Ephesians 4 challenges you and I to:

  • Think humbly
  • Treat gently
  • Love generously
  • Embrace unity
  • Reflect righteousness
  • Be honest
  • Choose rightly
  • Speak encouragingly
  • Offer kindness
  • Release anger
  • Forgive consistently

There are no boundaries placed on these expectations… we don’t get to pick and choose who we treat this way!  In fact, we are to even treat ourselves this way!

Do we still think of our own failures as permanent stains on who God intended us to be?  Again, when will we allow others, and ourselves, to grow past the errors of youth, ignorance, stupidity, and selfishness?

Today is the day to let it go!

 

Ask the Lord for a new lens, a lens of love and forgiveness, with which to view yourself and others.  You may not see the results of that new lens in the lives of others, but you will see the effects in your own heart.  As compassion, peace, and thankfulness well up, you can’t help but reflect the heart of the Father to others!  This is the life of the Kingdom culture that will impact our world and bring Heaven to earth! 

Live Loved,

*Lamentations 3:22-23

**God never intends for us to place ourselves or others in a place to be repeatedly hurt.  You can offer forgiveness and grace and still set boundaries that limit the access of others to your life.  Learn more about being a powerful person in the book “Keep Your Love On” by Danny Silk.

Put the Stone Down!

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I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but your measuring stick is flawed.

Please don’t be offended… because mine is also flawed!  Yet, sometimes we wield our measuring stick like a sword aimed at what we consider errors in the lives or opinions of others.

Even though we know we are far from perfect, we forget that our measuring stick is not that of Mary Poppins.  You know the one, the practically-perfect-in-every-way measuring stick. We hold it up to “that neighbor,” “that relative,” “that church,” “that blogger,” “that co-worker,” and find them lacking in some area.  Why does it seem so easy to zero in on the negative?

Unfortunately, highlighting the faults of others seems to be a social epidemic.  If you spend any time on social media, or the internet for that matter, you’ve seen what I’m talking about.  Self-appointed “inspectors” pass over the good in favor of criticizing, cutting down, nitpicking, and judging.  Sadly, I think Christians (and I use this term loosely here) are some of the biggest culprits.

You may have stumbled across one of these situations:

  • Complete websites dedicated to tearing down pastors, prophets, and teachers.
  • Bloggers who have taken the time to write an entire blog about why a worship song isn’t worth singing.
  • Professors who teach that church services shouldn’t have low lights, loud music, dancing, children’s church, etc.
  • People who have stormed out of churches because they didn’t like something the pastor said, did, stood for, or even implied.
  • Those who are more concerned that you use their version of the Bible than living by what’s inside of it.
  • Pastors who use their authority to declare entertainers, music styles, and even people groups as demonic.

How it must grieve God’s heart to see His children throwing stones at others.

Some of you might be thinking, but we are supposed to judge the fruit, right?  We are supposed to be “wise as serpents,” aren’t we?  Let me refer you to the first sentence of this blog and then remind you of the second half of Matthew 10:16, “and be harmless as doves.” Note that the word “judge” means to form an opinion or conclusion.  There’s an old adage that says, “Opinions are like armpits, everyone has them and they often stink!” Much of what criticizers call out in others is simply a reflection of their own opinion or their disagreement of someone’s understanding or interpretation.

Even if someone is doing or saying something that seems askew, what purpose does it serve to publicly defame them?  Does it glorify God? Build them up?  Encourage other believers?  Bring life to the situation?  I’m confident that the answer to those questions is an emphatic “NO!” Rarely ever will public criticism bring about a positive outcome or fruitful discussions.

So, what IS an effective action when you suspect that a speaker, ministry, or songwriter seems off?  Pray and bless! Pray for God to give them (and you) a revelation of truth and clarity!  Pray that they will be drawn deeper in relationship with the Father! Bless them in the areas they are right on track.1

This may come as a shock, but there is NO perfect theology, NO perfect church, NO perfect worship style, NO perfect sermon length, NO perfect author… Do you get my point?

Churches, pastors, ministries, authors are all different and unique.  Why?  Because that’s how God created each one of us!  We were wonderfully formed in His image as one-of-a-kind children who have individual relationships with our Heavenly Father.  As creative as our God is, why do we think that He would want us to have cookie-cutter churches or ministries?

While our tenants of faith stand strong (based on the Word of God), our walks as believers, our preferred ways of worship, our revelations, our engagement with the Holy Spirit will reflect our uniqueness.  He is not a cookie-cutter God!

So if we are all so different, what does God expect of His wonderfully unique children?  God’s measuring stick is reflected in His Word: Seek Justice, love mercy, walk humbly (Micah 6:8), Love God, love others (Matthew 22:37-39), Bless, do not curse (Romans 12:14), Mercy triumphs over judgement (James 2:12-13).

Peter sets forth a challenge:  “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.” (I Peter 4:8 NLT)

Here are some practical ways to rise to the challenge!

  • Purpose in your heart to look for the good in others. See criticism as a weapon of the enemy and demolish it!
  • Celebrate the efforts and hard work of ministries, pastors, writers, believers, prophets, etc. who are living and declaring the Kingdom of God.
  • Find and embrace a place of worship that shares your heart, vision, and style. Stick with that church family through thick and thin until God clearly directs you otherwise!
  • Pray for other believers and ministries asking the Lord to bless them in their “on-target” areas and bring revelation to their “off-target” areas.  Pray the same clarity for yourself!
  • Seek to be like Jesus!  Study His life and grab His heart!

Let’s be Jesus-followers together!

Live Loved!

1Note that James 5:19 discusses turning back one who wanders from the truth.  Realize that publicly denouncing someone on social media or anywhere else will not turn someone to the truth.  A personal relationship that is based on love and respect will enable this to occur and the one in error will be protected because love covers a multitude of sins!

Here more here: Designed to Impress

Favorite Friday: Connection!

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“Raindrops on roses

And whiskers on kittens

Bright copper kettles

And warm woolen mittens

Brown paper packages tied up with strings

These are a few of my favorite things…”1

Julie Andrews sang these lyrics as the intrepid Maria, an adult orphan who embraced music to soothe her lonely heart.  As her story unfolds, what a blessing it was to find herself set into a family!  I’d like to imagine that she added a few lyrics to this song…

“Sweet, sticky kisses

And warm, cozy cuddles

Laughter and snapshots

And birthdays with candles

Ball games and bike rides, Kids pumping on swings

These are a few of my favorite things…”

Connection with family and friends is one of my favorite things!

Connection… authentic, encouraging, enriching connection… is to the soul what nourishing food is to the body!  Authentic connection usually entails sharing,  lots of laughter, heart revelations, and even some tears.  These are times when you know and are known.  You are cared for simply because of who you are instead of what you can do.

Yesterday, I listened as my daughter shared her heart about what God was doing there in the Philippines.  She was facetiming her uncle who she’d not seen or spoken with (aside from the occasional call or text) in a few years.  I watched as he listened and affirmed her.  What a blessing to see authentic connection overcome time and distance!  You and I need these connections for our soul to thrive!Truly connecting with others requires something of us… it requires time, interaction, and vulnerability.

  • Since time is not easily recovered, it is a valuable commodity. We demonstrate value of another person by setting aside time to engage in their lives and build the relationship!
  • Interaction might also be labeled communication. However, some would say communication is the art of listening and talking.  To me, interaction indicates a deeper level of listening, considering, and responding that enhances relationship and increases understanding by engaging the heart, mind, and spirit.
  • While time and interaction might seem like no-brainers, vulnerability is where the brain may slam on the brakes! Relationships can occur with time and even interaction, but they will remain shallow and unfulfilling without vulnerability.  Authentic connection can only occur when vulnerability is present.  What is vulnerability?  Various people may define it differently, but I’d say it’s a bit like peeling back your skin and showing what is truly inside your heart!  Being vulnerable is choosing to say, “This is who I am inside; this is what I need; this is where I hurt; this is what I dream.”  It’s scary and even painful to open yourself up to others because they are human too!  They may not appreciate the gift of you.  So, be wise about the who, what, where, and when of vulnerability.  But don’t be stingy with sharing who you are!  You will only cheat yourself.  Dr. Brené Brown brings clarity to the value of vulnerability in her TED talk and it’s worth a listen!2

Deeply connecting with others can be scary!  It also can seem impossible if you have a tendency to isolate yourself.  However, don’t let that stop you!  If you find that you have few authentic connections in your life, my challenge to you is this:  Don’t wait for others to come to you!  Reach out to someone else, peel back the layers of heart-protection, and engage them in some nourishing interaction!

Just as candy and junk food will not sustain a healthy body, shallow relationships and surface conversation will not sustain a healthy soul.

We need more!  Moving beyond the safety of self-preservation to the satisfaction of heart connection isn’t a guarantee of no pain.  BUT, moving towards heart connection gives more than it takes.  Pressing into authentic relationships with others is a worthwhile, heartwarming, rewarding endeavor.  Others are worth knowing and YOU are worth being known!3

Connection will enrich your life as it has mine!

Live Loved!

 1Lyrics from “My Favorite Things” written by Richard Rogers for The Sound of Music

2The Power of Vulnerability by Dr. Brené Brown: https://youtu.be/iCvmsMzlF7o

3Read more about your value here: You are Enough & Beautiful Mess

Favorite Friday: Upside Down Thinking

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In the interest of transparency: This blog is about humility… not really one of my favorite things.  But when I listened to this teaching by Jen Toledo, it rocked my thinking and helped me better see the upside down thinking of the Kingdom of God.  Since the Kingdom of God is a favorite, then God’s keys to the Kingdom are my favorites too!

Jennifer Toledo is a co-pastor of Expression58 Church in LA.  I stumbled upon her teaching session 1 of a series on Kingdom Culture.1  Since this topic is close to my heart, I eagerly listened and learned… a lot!  Then, session two came around and brought with it some “ouch moments” as I took a hard look at myself and my way of thinking at times.2  It was a timely teaching that facilitates my goal of being Unoffendable, which I wrote about here. The text Jen chose was Philippians 2.  She read it in 3 different versions; the Passion Translation brought incredible clarity to the challenge of humility.

“2So I’m asking you, my friends, that you be joined together in perfect unity—with one heart, one passion, and united in one love. Walk together with one harmonious purpose and you will fill my heart with unbounded joy.

3 Be free from pride-filled opinions, for they will only harm your cherished unity. Don’t allow self-promotion to hide in your hearts, but in authentic humility put others first and view others as more important than yourselves. 4 Abandon every display of selfishness. Possess a greater concern for what matters to others instead of your own interests. 5 And consider the example that Jesus, the Anointed One, has set before us. Let his mindset become your motivation.”

I’d encourage you to take the time to listen to Jennifer’s teaching Kingdom Culture-Humility as it simultaneously blessed me and challenged me.  Here are a few highlights:

  • Kingdom of Heaven culture is based in humility. (Jesus carried all authority on earth, but still chose to submit Himself to His Father’s will daily.)
  • Kingdom of Hell culture is based in pride. (Remember that satan guy?  He used to be an angel with authority until pride took over!)
  • Upside Down Thinking: The way up in the Kingdom of God is to humble ourselves before Him.  James 4:6 “But he continues to pour out more and more grace upon us. For it says, God resists you when you are proud but continually pours out grace when you are humble.”tPt
  • Humility values and protects relationship over winning a “discussion.”  (In other words, let go of the argument even if you are right!)
  • Humility builds healthy relationships but pride destroys relationships.
  • False humility is as detrimental as pride, both are self-focused.  Authentic humility understands the power and authority we have in Jesus, but lives a life submitted to the Father’s Will.
  • Humility and pride are not character traits but rather choices that we make.

These are a few comparisons between pride & humility:

 

Wow! As I continued reading Philippians 2, what a beautiful example of humility was set by Jesus!  At any time He could have taken advantage of His equality with God.  He could have justified being entitled to Heavenly privileges because of Who He was, but He chose not to.  I want to be like Jesus… even in the difficult things.  Lord, help me embrace humility!

Live Loved!

1Listen to session one of the Kingdom Culture Expression58 series here.

2Listen to session two of the Kingdom Culture Expression58 series here.

Please feel free to share or comment if this blog blessed you!

Passion and Purpose

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“Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.” Gilbert Chesterton’s observation is more true than starry-eyed newlyweds would want to consider.  Ask any couple who has journeyed through some years together and they will admit that the dance of married life is not without a few battle scars.

Thirty one years… that’s how long our dance has been going!  What a joy it is to celebrate another milestone of marriage!  As I reflect on our journey, it’s not unlike most others… ups and downs, sickness and health, maybe a bit more poor than rich, some better, some worse.

However, it’s our own one-of-a-kind love story as well.

This dance of marriage has had moments of closeness and distance.  At times life has moved fast with the driving beat, at other times, slow with the cadence of grief.  We’ve had times of holding each other’s hands tightly and moments of drifting apart.

At our last ladies’ retreat, I posed this challenge:  State 3 words that make your marriage strong and lasting.  The answers were almost as varied as the women!  Communication, patience, forgiveness, grace, whoopie, laughter, compassion, wine!  Many of these are answers I’ve given when asked that same question.

Today while thinking about our (thankfully) thriving marriage, I felt fresh words whisper across my heart. 

Deep, lasting, authentic, rich marriages are established by passion and purpose.

 

Of course, physical passion is a valuable and desirable part of marriage and I hope you picked your spouse on purpose. 🙂  But I’m thinking of passion and purpose in a different light.

Passion is a strong or compelling desire for someone or something while purpose is a steely-eyed resolve to follow through on commitment.  Marriages are the joining of two individuals who have their own ideas, agendas, and protocols.  We all come into marriage with a boatload of “stuff” and along with our baggage, we bring expectations of married life that are typically unreasonable and unattainable for two fallible people.

So how do we manage to negotiate the minefields of marriage and come through on the other side somewhat intact?

Passion… that strong and compelling desire… is needed to establish the heart culture of God in our home. This heart culture is one where failure encounters forgiveness, weaknesses encounter grace, and love never fails.

The passionate pursuit of God’s love will establish a culture of Godly love in our marriage!  Ideally, both a husband and wife passionately pursing this life of love, will experience Kingdom culture in their home.  That’s not to say that one spouse cannot accomplish it alone!  God is faithful and will follow through on His part as we pursue His heart of love for our spouse (I Corinthians 13:4-8a).

Purpose… that steely-eyed commitment… is needed to stand strong when the storms of life batter our marriage.  God established you and your spouse as a single unit to work as one (Genesis 2:24). No, it’s not simple, or easy, or convenient.  Sometimes it’s painful, and confusing, and scary.

But set your eyes, not on your spouse, but on the Lover of your soul!  Link your arm in His and purpose to stand strong for your marriage.  Pursue God’s heart and seek His wisdom for you and your spouse.  Seeing God weave your marriage into a tapestry of love, healing, and restoration is worth the struggle!

There’s a plethora of marriage advice available out there if you feel yourself faltering in your journey together1.  That advice can be helpful; but one of the greatest blessings for Andy and I was when we sought the help and support of others who’d been through some battles themselves.  There is no perfect duet… get close enough to any thriving married couple and they may share some of their battle scars along with their victory stories.  Learn from others, grow in your relationship skills, be willing to find authentic people who will invest in you as you invest in your marriage.  Purpose and passion, passion and purpose.  “Go after a life of love as if your life depended on it—because it does.” I Corinthians 14:1 (MSG)

Live Loved,

           

P.S. My heart is to encourage others!  If this blog encouraged you, please share on social media. 🙂  If you would like me to pray for your marriage or that of another, please message me!  I would be honored to pray with you!

1Rejoice Marriage Ministries is a great resource: https://www.rejoiceministries.org/